glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
