I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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