So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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