I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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