I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
