He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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