don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
