I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
