I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
