I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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