Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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