This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
