By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
