i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
