you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
