Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
