"it" just moved
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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