so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
