Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
