"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
