I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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