just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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