i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
