i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
