I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
