in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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