She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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