Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
