What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
