I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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