wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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