This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize