I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Small penises have feelings too.
bring money and cleavage
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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