I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
