i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
