If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Terrible idea I love it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
