Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
