Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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