So drunk its hurt
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
