Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
