I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
