Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
