She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
