I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
