I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
