I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
