if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
