I should be sponsored by Trojan
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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