he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
