Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
