Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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