If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
