Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
