Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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