I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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